One day you’re talking to your man’s best friends, the one they call “Lip”, when he carelessly mentions that your boyfriend, of six months, had far more sexual partners than you were ever imagined. He was a man whore worse than The Bishop Don “Magic” Juan when he told you he was more like the 40- Year-Old Virgin.
How to Handle It:
If you haven’t already done so, girl get tested! Once you come back, find out if Lip was speaking the truth or was just a victim of your man’s immature imagination. If it is true, you need to have a conversation with ol’ boy. The issue is not the number of sexual partners, but the lying about it. Once you hear him out, decide whether his reasoning is legit or his lying ways are too much for you to handle.
2. Online Cheater
It’s 3 o’clock in the morning and you’re awakened by moans from your home office. You decide to investigate and find your husband sitting at the computer with his pants down, video chatting with some skank. It’s online cheating, where he can talk and interact with a live woman in real time.
How to Handle It:
If you and your husband have agreed to maintain a monogamous relationship, the fact that he hid his extracurricular activities from you means he considered it cheating and so should you. After your initial shock and disappointment, your response should start with a conversation. Even though he violated the sanctity of your marriage you need to understand the reasons why. Did you have a role to play in this? If so, the two of you should seek professional counseling. Most likely this is a problem you can overcome.
3. You’re Not in the Mood
The pressures of work, making sure your kids aren’t cuttin’ up in school and paying your mortgage on time is stressing you out. Your libido is taking a much needed vacation. Meanwhile your man is insatiable. You know he’s stressed too, why won’t he let you rest?
How to Handle It:
True when your mind is somewhere else, everything else shuts down but this dilemma requires empathy on your part. It’s not him, it’s you. Sorry. While your outside stressors cause a decrease in your sex drive, they will most likely heighten your partner’s. If he’s already stressed, your consistent rejection is not making the situation better . So what’s the solution? Try to spend more time together. Yes it will be difficult, but meet for lunch, go out together on Fridays, or send each other messages throughout the day. This increased exposure will amplify the desire you have for your partner, making sex more likely. When you finally get to the promised land, make sure you communicate with him, so the sex will be good. Remember if done properly, sex can be the ultimate relaxant for both parties.
4. He Has a Weird Fetish:
Now that you’ve been kicking it for a while, he’s really starting to open up. Maybe a little too much. You’ve discovered he has a sexual fetish that makes you look at him differently. He’s shared his fantasy and suggested you both try it. You said you needed some time to process it all.
How to Handle It:
As long as this fetish doesn’t activate your gag reflex and no one gets hurt, then try it! You never know you might like it and what could be more gratifying than being the one to satisfy someone’s fantasy. Not only will it bring you closer to one another, he’ll be more likely to help you with yours.
5. You’re in a Long Distance Relationship:
You and your boo thang live in two different time zones. You don’t see him nearly as much as you’d like to and the longing is becoming intense. How do you maintain some semblance of a relationship without losing your mind?
How to Handle It:
Obviously communication is even more important when you’re not together but be mindful of the nature of your conversation. Are you talking about the right things? Make sure you’re both on the same page about the future of your relationship. Are you just occupying a space until someone local comes along? If it’s more serious, make sure that you schedule communication and in person visits as much as possible.
7. He Comes with Baggage
He tried to explain his situation in the beginning, but seeing it live in living color is something totally different. It’s crazy! You avoid drama like the plague and now that he’s in your life, it’s in your head and in your bed.
How to Handle It:
While the drama might not be something you signed up for, hopefully it doesn’t set the tone of your entire relationship. When the drama is over, don’t continue to dwell on it. Foster an environment that is calm and relaxing. He’ll know he’s found an escape in you and you won’t pull your hair out.
8. His Temper is Outrageous
You know that there is conflict in every relationship but this man takes it to another level! During an argument you hardly recognize him, his mouth is foaming, he’s calling you everything but Mother Mary and you don’t know how you’ll be able to speak to him ever again.
How to Handle It:
First off, make sure you’re not fueling the fire. If you don’t want to be cussed out in the heat of an argument, keep your temper in check as well. Once you’ve both moved on from the blow out, calmly express your frustration about his behavior during your arguments. This one conversation won’t be enough to cure it. He’s probably been acting like that for years. When you see it starting to happen again, try reminding him of your conversation before it gets out of control. If it’s still an issue suggest he seek anger management counseling, if you’re part of the problem, you might want to tag along.
9. He Overspends
You’re sitting at the dining room table in tears wondering how you’re going to get your kids to college when in he walks, grinning from ear to ear, with a new three piece suit under his arm.
How to Handle It
Don’t get it twisted, women aren’t the only ones with spending issues. If your sweetie has a problem budgeting and saving make sure you show and tell him the reality of the situation. Before he walks in the door with the suit, make sure you’ve communicated your concerns about the finances. In addition, visually show him the significance of your bills with spreadsheets, bill notices prominently displayed, and photoshopped pictures of your newborn in a graduation robe.
10. He Doesn’t Do Chores
You’ve slaved for the man all day, only to come home and find there’s another one on your couch. You don’t want to nag and nitpick but you’re tired of working, cooking, cleaning, and fulfilling other “womanly duties” when he isn’t willing to contribute. How to Handle It:
Avoidance of chores may seem like a minor infraction but it’s actually a more common problem in relationships. You thought you’d help him out and wash dishes after you cooked just once but now it’s an everyday thing. Make sure you’re actually expressing your frustration instead of fuming silently. Verbally and visually state what each person’s chores will be. And once he starts pitching in, make sure that he sees you’re still doing your part as well.
